I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
