I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
