and next time when you feel me up, do it right
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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