I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Two words: blizzard sex
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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