I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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