just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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