I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
50% drunk capacity currently
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
