it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
