I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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