I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
