Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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