I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
