I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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