its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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