If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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