Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
