I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
