I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
We need to rekindle our bromance
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
