The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
