stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
