He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize