He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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