Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
