Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
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