my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
