Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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