So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
