i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
