He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
