the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
