onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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