whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
