We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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