Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
