wanna go halves on a baby?
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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