I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize