u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
