If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
