you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I didn't notice because vodka
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Randomize
