i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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