i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
