my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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