Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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