I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
