u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
