I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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