one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
