So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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