We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
