I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
