Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
