well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
