What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
We are all done wearing pants today
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize