I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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