filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
