I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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