Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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