i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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