Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
