If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
