ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
