Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize