I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
