I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
