Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
