Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
only you would photoshop your dick
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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