I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
