I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize